What Radical Honesty In Modern Dating Would Really Look Like
by Collin Down
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While we have been talking all about the very, very real phenomenon of Lane Changing and Alpha Fux, Beta Bux, Alex Wise from the Loveawake dating site raised a very good question:
“In light of all that you know about the Red Pill, et al, if a Woman simply leveled with you and told you, upfront, before anything jumped off, what her “N” is, and how it all went down, would you be cool with that or not?”
And that got me to thinking: What if we flipped this around and posed it back to ladies as follows:
“Let’s say you are with a man you really like, and you could see yourself having sex with him and in a relationship with him. Let’s also assume you take Ales’s tack above, and you level with him, and you lay out your entire sexual history for him. You pull no punches.
“Would you be OK if the guy says ‘OK. Given your history I will not be interested in you for marriage, not now, not ever. Nothing long term or that requires any form of commitment from me is in the cards and ever will be. But you’re a lot of fun, and I’d love to do the STR/FWB thing with you.’”
“The way it looks to me now, ‘I’ll bang you as long as I feel like banging you’ is what a lot of ladies are settling for, and what they’re willing to settle for as long as the man is high value enough. The difference is that it’s all an unstated, implied arrangement rather than an explicit laying out of each other’s positions. Because I think if you laid it out like Alex Wise suggests or as I flipped it, no woman would ever, ever agree to it.”
And then Taz brilliantly responded:
“I think you are correct. There seems to be little desire or incentive to play poker face-up.”
And all this made me consider what would happen if we did play “face up”; lay all our cards out on the table. What if we all did operate in a world where everybody just stated their own positions, what they wanted, what they were really angling for? What if we cut out all the filters and the obfuscations and rationalizations and spoke directly? What would such a world look like?
The 18 year old man: “Hi cutie. Want some dick? I’m into cars, good music, video games, and getting laid. I’m not about much of anything else, except maybe making money, so I can get girls. The only reason I want anything to do with girls is to get laid. I just wish I knew how. I really don’t have any idea at all what I’m doing. Hey, sweetie. Want some dick?”
The 18 year old woman: “I can get pretty much what I want sexually, but I can’t get these guys to be faithful or loyal. They’re all up front and above board that they only want to sex me; beyond that, they have no use for me. You know what’s weird? All the guys I know can have sex with any girl they want…. Including me. And a lot of them have. So I don’t get what this “manosphere” thing is all about, with guys going on and on about “shit tests” and “hypergamy” and “negs” and whatnot. I mean, guys just do their thing, and they get what they want, right? Like I do, right? What’s the big deal?”
The man with no game: “Look, you have no idea how bad it is. I’m so desperate I’ll do anything – ANYTHING – you want. Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you/do it for you/find it for you. Any kind of human contact would be preferable to the Death Valley I’m walking through now. I’ve been rejected so many times I have them all memorized and can finish the lines before you can. Will you marry me? I’m only asking so you can see how serious I am about giving you what I’ve been told you want; so I can get what I want.”
The player: “You’re an interesting woman. You’re cute, I suppose. We can have some fun on my schedule, as I see fit. Marriage? Commitment? Kids? Not happening. Not now, not ever. Not with anyone, and certainly not with you. This is how it’s going to go: First order of business is to find out if you’re interested in me for sex. If you’re not interested in sex with me I’ll know it by the end of this encounter and you and I will never talk again. If you are interested, we’ll be having sex soon. Maybe not tonight, but very soon. Second order of business is that I get what I want – first, last, always. The minute I’m not getting what I want from you is the minute you and I are done.”
The young marriage minded woman: “I’m looking for a husband. But most of you are either players who won’t commit; or weirdo effeminate overly churchy unattractive men who commit too fast, or video game playing slackers who can’t commit. I won’t get with players and I don’t want the rest of you.”
The 24 year old female college graduate: “I’m looking to date and have fun. I want to get married, sure, but I’m not going to settle for just any old guy I used to know from back home or at church or from work. I’m open to marriage as long as it is exactly right, and I get everything I want and need, and it will not be a struggle. But I’m not really looking for a husband. Not a priority, you know? I need to experience life, and that includes having sex with a lot of appealing men. I will do this because I want to, because I can, and because there’s really no downside to it. There will be time later for marrying and kids. Men will still be there for me to choose from when I decide I’m ready.”
The 31 year old never married/once-divorced woman: “Ok, had my fun, and time’s running out. I really screwed the pooch on this one. I need to get married and that right soon. I need all the help I can get from wherever I can get it. We’ll have sex when I decide. And when we get married I’m going to get pregnant as soon as possible so I can have my kids. Where’s my ring? And what’s the date?”
The typical 40-something divorced woman: “Hey, dude.. Want a BJ? Yeah, I’m really needing some validation of my self-worth here, because my self-esteem is in the toilet. Frankly the only thing I know to get that boost is to have quick sex with someone. You game? But I need more than that now… I need for you to offer me some sign, give me something that tells me I’m worth investing in. I need to know that I’m not so damaged; that I can still get a man to spend time and money on me. And when we have sex, please help me feel like I’m not a slut. I want to feel like I felt back in college, when I was young and wild and free and 20 pounds lighter. So can you do that for me?”
The 40-something woman who has yet to hit The Wall: “I’m only minimally more self-aware than more, uh, unfortunate women. I can still get male attention, but not as much as I used to, and I know it. Players only want to have sex with me, and I know this. They are so much fun for a little while, so exhausting and so self-esteem boosting at the same time. I use players as much as they use me. The rest of the men gawk at me and fawn over me, like they did 20 years ago with younger women. They’re so comical they’re adorable. I want love and acceptance, but it’s probably not going to happen (not even from my husband). So I’ll do the next best thing – I’ll continue using my looks and attractiveness to get sex when I want it, attention when I want it, and nights out/fun when I want that, and I’ll ride that train as long as I can. What could be more affirming and validating?”
The late 40s-early 50s single or divorced man: “I don’t really care what else happens. I’ll never get legally married. There are plenty of women around who are willing to have fast sex on pretty much my timetable. And if they aren’t interested, well, that’s fine too. I don’t care to notice most women very much. Look, I’ve got enough money for myself and a little to burn. If I can do that with a woman who is interested in and devoted to me, great. If not, that’s OK too. I won’t waste time or money dancing like a monkey to get a woman interested. I’m here for me. A woman would be a bonus, icing on the cake. It would be a nice luxury, but it isn’t required.”
