Friendship in Dating
by Collin Down
When it comes to making new great friends, dating is one of the best friend makers and finders there is. One thing I recently read in a different article was that everyone should try to make at least one new friend every five years, but I would suggest maybe three years. But either way this advice is really great when you think about it. Look at how we were when we were younger. We would collect friends so fast like it was nothing. We had tons of them. But as we got older we would lose some, if not most, along the way. It’s just how it is, you get older you have less time for everyone and differences become apparent. We all change and we all adapt to life, we end up with a core group of our best friends, which tens to be a very small but very reliable, close and trust worthy group. It’s safe to say that there’s always a big chance that we won’t ever have more then a handful of extremely close friends as we get older. This is due to what I said before, more so time related then anything else at the adult age. You got work and a life and all that, things to take care of, you don’t have enough time to have more then a handful. Best friends require maintenance and we don’t have time for too much of that.
When dating creeps up on us on its own (which means you two didn’t get together for a date, you simply met) it comes in its simplest baby form, which is just introducing us to new people or a new person. How it works is we meet people on a one to one basis to just talk, chat, and discuss whatever the reason we met in the first place, whether it was work or needed to meet the parent of your kids best friend or something like that. Doing so basically lets us find out mentally if we get along well with this person to be friends. What you have in common, what you can carry a conversation about, if you share similar views on some things and seeing if you two can become friends, maybe on a daily talk sort of level. The problem with going directly into dating is that it skips this step, it shoves you straight into the fact you two are trying right there to make a match. To become lovers you should be friends first. This way you aren’t just attracted to their figure or face and all that, you originally start off attracted to them for who they are, what goes on in the head is what makes them who they are. And, no offense to anyone, when it comes to friends you can easily be a friend with the ugliest person alive and feel normal because you know you’re all just friends, but this is the point you figure out what you are attracted to in a person more so then just the body. Do they agree with your beliefs on things? Perhaps make you laugh? Make you smile? Feel good around them? You would be surprised what you may fall in love with when you are friends first. Being friends first is a very great start to any relationship.
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If that whole factor is missing, being the laughing, feeling good and all that jazz, we tend to say we aren’t meant for that person to be our friends, let alone be our friends. But the thing is that every date leaves you with another friend, assuming you don’t be a real butt hole to the person. We make new friends more then you may think. Now of course you people may be saying that you aren’t looking for another friend. Well, we can all do with an extra friend every now and again. Sure, our closest best friends are usually the friends we had since childhood and that we shared our lives with, but once upon a time you never knew them too so who’s to say a new friend may not end up in the tight knit group? So what I’m trying to say here is that nice people are hard to find anymore, don’t just pass them over cause you have ‘enough friends’. You never have enough no matter what. Never enough positive people to hang out with.
I in no way is suggesting that we just gather all our failed past dates and deem them all our friends and that’s that. No, what I am saying is that out of all you have dated there has to be someone or two that you clicked with, that you know is a great person and would like to hang out with. They may not be your perfect match but they may be your perfect friend. Heck, after hanging out for a long time maybe you will slowly start seeing them as your perfect match after all. So please try and always keep an open mind. At the end of a date perhaps let them know or suggest that although you don’t really think you two will make a good couple together, perhaps you two would make great friends and to stay in touch, and then actually get in touch and do things together as friends would. Don’t make empty promises and just not contact them after you said you would, but always make sure you let them know that there are no strings attached, make sure they don’t think there’s still a chance if you know there isn’t. That’s leading them on for the wrong reasons. It’s heartless.
Always keep in mind and remember that the best facets of any great relationship is the friendship between the two people. So many times have I heard people say they would love to marry their best friend. Your partner should always be the closest friend you got. Whether it starts after dating or it was in fact your best friend, it should always be your best and closest friend in the end. Someone you can rely on, trust in everything and all measures, turn to when you need to talk or need someone to make you feel better, that’s what your partner should be, and that’s a best friend. It’s something everyone should keep in mind when getting serious with finally getting married and all that great stuff.
In the end, when you think about it, dating it all about just making new friends and then falling in love with them after that. It’s about forming close bonds in a short space of time and then building it on that. This, for example, is the reason why the relationships all about getting ‘physical’ tend to fail and end up in hurt or diseases even. There is no hope without being friends with your partner before, during or after. It’s just amazing the sheer number of couples that became couples from being best friends with each other ends up as lovers in the end. I have heard of some amazing true stories about people who were best friends at first and ended up as a married couple, and still goof off and all that as they would have, just with a new sense of closeness. It’s by far the BEST way to go when you want someone you can be with forever and already know how well you guys act and are together.
Nowadays its a fact that dating has become nothing more then some organized subject where people even made stupid dating game rules, like that dumb waiting thing. The things that made dating touching and romantic and nice are slowly being lost from society. In order to love a person you need to trust this person, to trust this person you need to open your heart to them pretty early on and to take this risk that’s involved. To open your heart is to show the willingness to trust, and that’s needed. The willingness to make the person you find your friend, for trust and friendship to be the building blocks of every proper and great out coming relationships and thus there are no quick paths one can take to eternal happiness. You need to date and make friends, make friends then fall in love with one. Never go in blindly and expect you two to be romantic from day one to your dying day and get married and have kids and all that. You need to make them your friend no matter what. Good luck guys and gals.
